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Do you have a friend or family member who refuses to leave their abuser?
Are you dumb-founded, pulling your hair out, wondering why nothing that you say can convince them to leave?
Do they tell you that they are going to leave their abuser, and then the next thing you know, they change their mind and stay? And then, your friend avoids you, and defends their abuser?
Allison's friends and family felt the same way about her. I'll bet that your friend or loved one is going through many of the same things that Allison did. "Cycle of abuse" stories are very similar, in almost all cases of domestic abuse.
Think about this for a minute; when Allison first met Shane, he wasn't mean or abusive at all! He was very, very nice! Like most cases of abuse, there was at least a month of total romantic bliss! During that first month, Allison became bonded and committed to him. It began with a loving courtship, and as the abuse continued, it became an even deeper bond because they were trying to overcome an obstacle together.
Allison "fell" in love with Shane because he was so nice and thoughtful toward her. She would not have fallen in love with him, if he had been abusive right out of the gate. Through the "falling in love" process, there is an incredible amount of "bonding" that takes place. Allison truly thought that Shane was the best thing that ever happened to her! Most of the time, abusers are even more loving and romantic than the normal person. Most abusers are extremely passionate people!
Sometime during the blissful romance, Shane got angry at Allison, for the very first time. He didn't hit her or push her, he yelled at her. (Abuse normally begins with yelling and name calling.) He was so passionate towards her. Allison felt like he must really love her, he was so angry at her, he had to yell about it!
But, Allison was also confused, heartbroken, and scared. Now, her Romeo was showing a different side of himself, the "not so nice" side. But, because she was so in love with him, and she knew that he was "Mr. Right," she assumed that he was just tired, or stressed out, etc...And, here's the kicker, he told her that he was sorry!
Since Allison was a child, she was taught to forgive and forget! Jesus taught to forgive! Plus, Allison didn't want to believe that her perfect romance would ever end. She wanted to live happily ever after! So, she forgave him for his outbursts, and life went on blissfully again. Allison didn't tell anyone about the first few incidents, she thought that since Shane was sorry, he would never do it again. She also didn't want her friends or family to dislike Shane.
Of course, the abuse escalated. But Allison couldn't change the fact that she was in love with Shane. He paid so much attention to her, and he was always sorry about the way he acted! He told her that he needed her to help him. How could she turn her back on someone, at a time like that?
Have you ever held a crying friend, or comforted someone who had problems? If that person asked you to help them, would it be easy to stand up, and walk away? Of course not. That's what it feels like to leave an abuser. Allison loved Shane; she could see that he had a good heart! He said that he wanted to change. She didn't realize that she was caught in a cycle that wasn't going to end. Allison wanted to believe in miracles. She wanted to believe that one day Shane would stop raging and they could be happy on a consistent basis. Then, to top it off, a doctor told her that it was highly unlikely, but that there was a chance that Shane could change!
The rest would be a spoiler....buy the book and share it with friends! You won't be able to stop thinking about it....and that's what makes this story so special.
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